Several years ago when I visited a carpet factory in India, I saw a whole family working on one carpet. The designer, who was the master craftsman, gave the family a pattern to weave. The factory provided the loom, the shuttle and the threads to make the carpet.
With so many hands taking turns at weaving, what would happen if someone made a mistake? Would they have to re-do all the work on the carpet?
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the master craftsman would re-design the pattern to include the mistake. It then becomes part of the final design. There was no blaming or finger-pointing. No one felt frustrated or stressed up over the changes that had to be made.
Isn’t that amazing?
It’s just like your journey through motherhood.
Many people are part of it. Many experiences are woven into it. Some are pleasant, while others are painful and discouraging. Things can and do go wrong in life. There are times when you lose your cool. You react instead of respond to a situation. At other times, you hurt your children when you’re careless with your words. You fail to do the right thing on several occasions. But let me say to you, “Mum, you are not a failure.”
There are no perfect mums.
However, you can become the best mum you could ever be. You can also be a happy mum for the rest of your life. Are you willing to make some changes to get there?
Let me suggest 3 keys:
1. Think differently
(a) Know what you want to be, to do, to live for and to die for
You need to live according to the principles and values you embrace. Focus on
what to do better. You don’t have to be preoccupied with the mistakes you’ve
made or those you want to avoid. Don’t give up on yourself.
As James Sherman said,
“Though you cannot go back and make a brand new start,
you can start now and make a brand new end.”
(b) Adopt a mindset of interdependence over independence
It takes a village to raise a child. You are not in a competition with other mums.
Work together as a family and a community for a win-win situation. Harness
everyone’s strengths, abilities and resources to achieve more than what you can
achieve alone. It is not a sign of weakness but strength and humility.
(c) Live a life that’s focused on others, not yourself
The difference between heaven and hell, happiness and misery, is your choice
between others-centeredness and self-centeredness. Which one is yours?
2. Act differently
(a) Protect your relationship with your children
Your children withdraw from you when you nag or punish them out of anger or
impatience. It’s a tough road back to gain their trust and confidence in you. Build
your relationship instead on unconditional love, not feelings; trust, not fear;
discipline, not control.
(b) Be present for your children
Your presence is more important than your provision for your children.
Be intentional in your actions, choices and decisions. There cannot be quality
time without quantity time.
(c) Serve the community together
Encourage your children to invest their time and resources in ways that will
benefit others. They may have talents and outstanding abilities. But they’ll only
be great when they use what they have for others.
3. Be different
(a) Be real and authentic
Your children know you’re not perfect, so don’t pretend to be.
(b) Be thankful for your children
Love your children for who they are, not what they do.
(c) Be passionate about passing on a legacy
Don’t limit yourself to just raising up your own children to lead purposeful and
meaningful lives. Run with a vision to influence and make a difference in the
generations to come.
These 3 keys can help you along. Use them and you will be a happy mum for life!
By Doreen Wong
